Why is asking for help so hard to do?

One of my mantras as a leader is that we should never be afraid to ask for help, yet many find this very hard to do. Why is asking for help so difficult? An unfortunate family event has recently brought this back into sharp focus. 

I’m no Florence Nightingale and this fact has been borne out over the last few weeks. My 53-year-old husband decided in his head that he was still 16 and thought it sensible to play a football match when training the local youth team. Needless to say, his ankle came off worse and he is now in a large cast. I should have been more sympathetic, but it was totally self-inflicted and very inconvenient - domestically his inability to drive is a real issue for us, not to mention the joy of having to put his socks on for him! 

We have been overwhelmed with offers of support and help from friends and family. However, I’ve been reluctant to accept that help. Wanting to appear ‘superhuman’, I’ve continued with the pretence that I can cope and manage…and I’ve knackered myself.

It amazes me that I have ended up in this position despite everything I have learned and everything I discuss on my training courses. Why is asking for help so difficult to do?

Within the workplace, many people see asking for help as a weakness and I too fell into this trap. I had a silly expectation that as a leader, I had to be good at everything and know all the answers. By putting my hand up for support or acknowledging that I didn’t know something, I thought I was admitting ‘I wasn’t good enough’ and was unworthy of the position I held. It took time to work out that by attempting to know and do everything myself, I was doing no-one any favours and I ran myself ragged – much like I have again today. 

As I’m writing this sitting in the car outside the hospital waiting for hubby, I need to reflect on my learning as a leader and translate that into my personal life. Leadership is rooted in relationships; building trust, connections and taking people with you. How can you do that when all you do is spend time attempting to look invincible? I have been reminded that I don’t know (and can’t do) everything. None of us can. 

I’m not expecting anyone else to put his socks on, that’s a delegated task too far! However, we are far more effective when we recognise that great leaders are not afraid to ask for help.